Tonight I felt defeated. I tried to sit down and study, but my mind is foggy and tired. I slept an hour or so to take a nap. It didn’t help. I’m frustrated that my brain doesn’t want to cooperate with me for this final exam study. At this moment, I wonder what I’m doing… why am I doing this?
In Group Practice
We were in groups practicing counselling today. I must say that I was intimidated by a guy client. He appeared to be confident and fast thinking. He was my client and I had to counsel him in the group. While I did well with empathy, I just couldn’t get pass to get him making goals and solutions.
As I was the client making up a story to tell, it seemed that the conversation went into circle. I wondered if I made it too difficult for the counsellor, or discouraged her. As she said in the end that she wasn’t good at making empathy statement. Which was after the instructor came over and made a comment on how I was good at making empathy statement. Again, I felt I like I was among the people who are competitive, I hate that feelings. In between the counselling conversation, I commented that this is a difficult story for her to unpack. Due to the nature of the story and people that are involved. I was sharing that was my friend’s real story and how I spent a whole week with her figuring things out…. but…. they both didn’t hear or respond to anything that i said about the story, or i should say why i told that story because it made me wanted to study counselling. Anyways, sometimes i don’t get white people… or maybe they were so focus on getting everything right for being a counsellor, and make a statement right…. so my story was ignored because that doesn’t matter?
Changes and pain
Our heart ache for this change. Who would have thought there were so many memories only you and I share. From CFN to CC, from CC to PLBC, we grew and witnessed God’s fathfulness through it all. He provided more than we needed and wanted. We’re thankful for the friends we made along this journey. As we sail away to our next phrase. Let’s just say that the changes is good, but it scars us and brings us pain. This mark will forever in our heart. May God remind us your goodness and faithfulness when this mark tugs our aching heart. We’ll continue to bring light to this world. May God be with us.
What dinner?
Five day ago when I met Miss L, I lightly suggested that maybe we should have dinner this coming Sunday with other families. Life goes on, school started, and I was exhausted with two full days of school. I totally forgot the dinner …. It’s Sunday today and got her message in the afternoon. She told me that the dinner is confirmed, but she forgot to tell.
First, I forgot about the dinner. Second, she confirmed the dinner without letting me know. Third, I felt like I was blamed not showing up since I started the idea for dinner. I can only say that there’s miscommunication in between…. However, it still bugs me when I think about that… it interrupted my thoughts on writing paper, that sucks!
Lord, I admit that I am wrong not confirming or even forgot about the dinner. Will you help me to ease the anger within me. Although, I would like to know why I’m so mad… I don’t have time for this right now. Can you kindly give me peace at heart so that I might finish my paper tonight? Thank you Lord!
The End of an Era
After about a year and a half of looking, sending resume, interviewing, and waiting, the CRA has offered me an entry level audit position. Although this is a contract position, I was assured that with the increased budget, it is highly likely that the agency will offer permanent positions fairly quickly.
PLBC has been a great place to work at. Yes, there are many areas that can seriously use some improvements, but all in all, the work is meaningful. Nothing beats working with a great supervisor.
I pray that as PLBC continues on its path to accreditation, it will also grow in maturity – in its policies, procedures, and internal communication. I pray that I will be the salt and light at the CRA – be professional, integral, and personable.
Judging
Sometimes I’m amazed at how much a person can and will judge another person. For things that don’t go along with one’s idea or flavours, she will judge someone because she’s not satisfied with rejection. Calling out someone being self-centred, she hits her own blind spot with seeing herself as one. The conversation is full of contradictions from beginning to the end. It’s all about herself, how she’s more mature in dealing things, having ideas for doing business, or how she sacrifice herself to do others. I found that it’s all BS when indeed she’s looking for returns of flavours.
Maybe I’m not mad when I heard her judging and complaining someone. Rather, I’m amazed at how sinful we are when we lose sight of God. Was He in the picture when she’s complaining and judging? Was he in the picture when she’s planning her new life for the next six months or so? For sure… I don’t know. He knows and He will definitely show His heart, in His time.
Hubby and I did mention that we do not want to get into someone business unless we are asked to help. Nor did we want to state our opinion unless we are asked to speak out. There’s time for everything. Meanwhile, have some self-control and live your life like Jesus.
The Idea of Divorce
I’ve never thought that I’ll be facing it one day to deal with my friends divorce…. or the idea of divorce. Although, there was time I talked to Mrs.C and spent a long time to talk to her convincing her to see a counsellor. It turned out their relationship is much better today, I’m glad I was there walking with them.
Since yesterday talked to D about her idea of divorce, I still have no clue how to help. It’s funny I’m on the crossroad between going to work or start studying again. Many hints popped up reminding me how lack of skills I am when dealing and counselling with people. Maybe God didn’t need to me earn money? Maybe that’s not His idea for me at this time? I mean seeing my best friend facing divorce today, it hits me harder than dealing with anyone. I do admit I want to be a better counsellor, a better listener, a better problem solver…
So I guess I have decided now? Are those hints obvious enough for me to pursue education rather than money? humm…..
Dead Rat
There’s a dead rat in the house! We initially found a bad smell last night and we thought it was Oki’s poop outside in the deck. This morning the smell continue to be so bad and we turned on the furnace fans. It was still bad throughout the day. Hubby decided to open the crawl space, and right there is the dead rat died in the trap. We need to figure out where it came in. I still think that it’s the hole in the corner of the garage…. anyways, I hope not to see any more in the house ever.
生離死別
早上收到 Fido 的訊息通知我missed 了一通電話。對照contact list 後知道是 Mrs.D， 接著收到她 line message 我還是沒有回。再過半小時 T 打來，原來是 她的 uncle 走了，問我可不可以去接她媽媽。她需要去 VGH，但是請我載她到 skytrain 也可以。我支吾以對地拒絕了。
這兩天我無法負荷身體的軟弱，又再次感覺無力，頭痛。加上我其實害怕面對生離死別，人生有一次就夠了。自從 Tammy 回天家後，我再沒有去喪禮，去了也不會瞻仰遺容。想到有一天是自己的父母，那是無可避免的。所以現在我不認識的，我覺得我可以能不去就不去了。請原諒我的軟弱，身體跟精神的軟弱， 我無法幫忙今天的任務。 我知道這幾天來 我早上都已經畫好妝，隨時是可以出門的。小狗也適應我們出門，但是 I feel like something is weighting me down … physically. I feel helpless and I dont’ know what I can do to make myself better.
是不是我又給自己藉口不去行動了？我是不是很自私？ /____\
Eggs explosion
I’ve been using the cpap machine for a week now. I did feel like my thinking is clearer and my vision is brighter. Still, I will wake up in the morning having headache, although, no more bathroom visit in the middle of the night. My blood pressure is still high, however, lower than before I started to use the machine.
I hate having headache, really hate is such a strong word but I hate it. It takes away all my energy in the morning and gives me a crappy mood.
Hunny has been patient with me and taking care of me. I’ve never felt so guilty because I feel like I didn’t take care of him. I feel like I’m his burden that he’s tired from work and still need to take care of me. The breakfast exploded this morning in the microwave, and I felt nothing but annoyed. Many thoughts were racing in my mind….. only if I can feel better, have more energy, think more clearly…. only if i can be as healthy as i wanted to be……