sometimes I wonder since when I became so bitter
I would find all the imperfection and flaws in a person so that I can justify myself that I don’t need such a friend in my life….
曾經
這幾年 我變得更安靜 不喜歡社交，連我最愛的逛街 我都可以pass。似乎不是每一個人都接受我這樣的改變。因為 我變得不再主動關心，不再主動說心事，所以我的“改變”別人不習慣。而我 not really that care anymore, 這一刻覺得會留下的 還是會留下。 如果你不習慣我的變， it says more about you than about me. 不願意看見我的“改變”的，謝謝你們曾經陪我走過的路。
nails…
It’s been two months since I paint my nails….
I really want some colour on my nails since Spring is coming, and the weather is getting better.
(~_ ~)
信仰
如果你要捍衛自己的信仰， 不得不兇別人的話。我覺得你還不明白這信仰對你來說有什麼意義。我也大膽地說，你不了解這信仰，更不認識耶穌！
身外之物
有聽說過廚房是女人的 territory 嗎？我知道家人來就是想大家一起相處。我知道我的 button 在哪裡，如何容易被 push botton。 所以說 我其實很在意我的廚房，雖然 我們家的廚房很小 但是這裡是我用食物 經驗婚姻的一個管道。 本來想好我自己煮飯，用不著別人碰我的廚房。家人過來，我要放手了～ 因為知道自己會在意，所以要先提醒自己要放手。如果他們來的時候，要佔領廚房的話，我要讓一步海闊天空。不是要卑微的在旁邊，而是要照顧到全部人在一起的氣氛。希望我可以管好自己的情緒….
畢竟，祂提醒我在地上的一切都是身外之物，家裡所以的東西 物件都是虛空的。
希望我能緊緊抓住 祂 的心意，因為有 祂 的愛就有希望。
夢
昨晚做了一個夢， 夢見朋友昏迷 躺在醫院裡。夢裏感覺她很想有人為她禱告，好像我們的靈互相可以溝通似的。雖然兩人沒有說話，覺得知道她需要被禱告。夢中看見自己站在她床邊拉著她的手禱告，也知道她感覺到被禱告了。 醒來第一件事，問上帝的意思。我想我明白了，靈裡的昏迷必須透過禱告才能得醫治，甦醒！
這陣子跟叮叮講了很多她的事，以及很多看了不順眼的地方。心深處知道要禱告，卻很懶散。做了這個夢，我知道上帝已經給最後通牒，我跑不了。即使我這個人近年來變得很冷漠，但是我不敢違背上帝的心意。特別是祂已經做得很明顯的時候，我知道我必須要跟從。嗯！
sufferings
the growing pain
the sufferings
let that be Your cup to bear
i lay it all down to You
oh Lord
restore to me the joy of salvation
cleanse me
restore me
renew my spirit
give me eyes to see
the goodness in You
oh Lord
Inadequate
That’s how I feel right now. I am not making nearly enough to start saving, let alone to get a mortgage for a home.
I feel stuck. I am only at the half way point in my prerequisite program. I want to finish soon. Accounting firms seem to be wanting to hire students ready to go into the PEP (taken all prerequisites). On the other hand, because my intention to get the designation I am overqualified to be considered for most entry level accounting jobs.
May be, just may be… If I could make a little more money, all these would not be an issue.
Dear God, please help me. I feel powerless. Please pour out your spirit on me so I can be a man that honours your name, a man that upholds justice, and takes good care of his family. I need you. Amen.
it has said……
My enemy told me that I can’t be successful, I’m not able, I’m not capable. The feelings of being a failure is creeping up on me. I feel helpless, hopeless because I don’t feel adequate. I don’t know if I will be able to handle all the stress from school again. I don’t know if I’m able to handle the stress from doing the internship and practicum.
Today at class, we were supposed to get prepare for recorded interview. Which Elly gave us a list of question to get ready before the interview. She picked one of the question and then asked me to answer. Describe a situation that happened in your work place, which you were able to use persuasion to successfully convince someone to see things your way. I basically froze…. I don’t know…. I can’t even think of any situation like that…. I’m speechless….
The Wonderful Dream
I hope it is not just a dream, but it is a life goal in pursuing to be a counsellor.
I hope it is not just a dream, but it is a life goal for us to have our own place.
I cherish every moment we created together. When I say “we”, I know that I am not alone anymore. I have “you” in my life, a man who has demonstrated the unconditional love. Your love makes me brave. Your love makes me want to be better. Your love makes me realize our heavenly Father loves us much much deeper.
My dream came true, when I surrender my selfish desire to marry a so-called perfect guy in my imagination. My dream came true, when you listened to that still small voice and realize the possibility of “we” in the future. Thank you my love~ Without you I will still be cripple in my walk on this earth. I love you~ I am happy to be with you!