I’m afraid…..

You’ve put your arms around me, and all I wanna say was I wanted to be more healthy (so I may live longer to take care of you). You asked me why I wanted to be healthy, but I’m too afraid to say that I want to have  your child. I’m afraid I’m not healthy enough to bear a child. I’m afraid I’m not good enough to be a mother. I’m afraid I’m not brave enough to take the child out to see this world. I’m afraid I’m not flexible enough to allow the child to experience adventures…. I’m too afraid of all the unknowns… just too afraid….

just a little bit today….

Today I’m feeling a little bit depressed. The thought of not doing anything, and not accomplishing anything made me sad. I feel useless, and no purpose on earth. I feel lonely when I thought of no one to share the joy of having a house. I don’t feel that I want to connect with the “old gang” of friends. I feel different when all I think of I’m a Honger and they are Taiwanese. I couldn’t bring myself to another level of acceptance. Isn’t there level of acceptance anyways? I dunno…. maybe I’m tired… maybe period is about to come… maybe I don’t have my period…. aiii…..

Last week today

It is exactly one week ago our offer to the house was accepted. Now we are waiting for the mortgage application to get approved. That’s pretty much all that we can do now, just wait until we get our house key on Sept 10. It’s been only a week, and I feel like I’ve been waiting for a century. God remind me again and again to spend time to worship him and pick up the bible to read his words. Something is urging, tugging, stirring my heart inside, his love is greater than all these. Buying a house seems to be a big thing in my eyes, He shows me otherwise his love is much bigger and stronger. We are anxious while waiting, but we need to set our priority straight.

I’ve spent a week to look at furniture and things that we need for the house. At the end, I don’t know if all these matter if I don’t have Jesus. We can spend all the money we want to set up an ideal place to live. However, the most important element in this house is setting Christ be the centre in our family/ our home. So I decided to take a few days off looking at furniture, maybe I will see something more suitable for our home. I don’t know…. we will see~

Need help to have a little more faith please!

By the end of the night on July 8th, we received the seller’s signature in acceptance of our offer. Mr. G called and left a message to congratulated us on getting the house we want. I’m very happy yet very nervous because we have this responsibility on us now to pay mortgage. Also, I’m being sceptical on it’s too good to be true. This is truly a test of faith, that I need to lay it all down to trust the divine power.

  1. God brought the right person, Mr.G who is very professional, caring, and understanding in everything he did to help us in this process.
  2. I can’t deny how He has helped us, allowing the seller to decrease the price on the day before we were viewing the house the first time.
  3. We are to possess the house on Sept 7. The timing is right and that’s the time frame we have in mind.
  4. Although, the seller only accepted our offer in his requested condition, he could choose to have open house this weekend. He might even get higher price for selling this house. However, he only asked to have this house until Sept, without inspection.
  5. Last Sept when I was in Kwantlen CCLS program, I drew a picture at the end of the semester. I drew my dream house with landscape that I like. When I looked back and take a look at that picture I drew last Sept, our house is almost the same as the one in the picture.

I might have missed something, but God is definitely helping to us to get this house. Yet, I’m still nervous of all the “what if”, and all the unknown. I guess I’ll be anxious until we get the house key, and get ready to move it. Now, we have been talking about renovation and budget. I hope I didn’t get hubby too much stress, because that’s all I always talking about … our house.

Sending our offer

We sent our offer last night in hope of decreasing the price by ten thousands dollar. So I’ve been waiting the whole morning, and anxiously waiting until the late afternoon. The owner will only accept our offer if we there’s no subject and offer at asking price, and possession on Sept 7.

Hunny and I both agreed to the seller’s wants, because the place is quite unique. According to Mr. G last night, the houses in this area is holding up the value pretty well. Meaning if we continue to maintain well, and gradually renovate/ update all the necessity, this house will worth more than it is today.

Since I’ve been waiting this morning, I felt very anxious. Holy Spirit reminded me to pray and worship God, I sense God was saying that He missed my singing voice. So I set a side sometimes to sing praise and worship Him. This tremendous sense of his presence fills up my heart and mind, something that I missed for so long … which I became so foreign to yet so comforting to know that He’s near. I can sense that my heart is soften under His loving kindness and patience. He has been waiting for me to search Him and connect with Him again.

I resent that I only came to Him when I felt the weakest in my spirit. I mean I want to connect with Him when I feel life is smooth and all that too….. I guess better be late than never coming back to Him. I praise God for Hubby, who is a constant strength in our relationship. He is like the anchor that set firm in God, and not easily sway away. Thank God for my parents that so supportive in finance and in knowledge. I pray that my relationship with in-law will be better and closer. I pray that I will have the open heart to them, just like how Hubby accepts me. I hope that in the future when they come visit we will be offer them a comfortable suite while visit.

Lord, show me the way! Be it studying in ACTS or doing something else, please show me the way, amen.

Day 2 – House Viewing

We saw quite a few of the Langley houses today. The more we saw the more we know what we want. We did need to take sometime to analyze and think through the good and bad of each house. We came down to that last two ones, which is in Walnut Grove and Brookswood.

We’re working late tonight to make our final decision. We decided to make an offer to the one in Brookswood. Let’s see what happens when the owner respond to our offer.

Naturopathic – 2

Second appointment with Florie today, I already felt so much better. I slept better, less moody, increased energy, overall I’m better. We ran through the test again today, Florie also noticed the change. The test result indicates I’m a sensitive, and intuitive person, which is interesting. As we talk more, she points out that I have a gift of knowledge and wisdom. Sometimes, seeing things that other people don’t pick up is actually a gift of God so that we can help others. I usually felt that I’m judging people, however, she points out that just keep quiet and in prayer when I see unusual things about people.

Coming on will be my detox journey, and preparation for pregnancy. I definitely have lots to swallow, literally almost 10+ pills and drops everyday…. it’ll be interesting to see how my body change!

Mr. Gauer’s 40th Job Anniversary

First time being a home owner can be very stressful. Today we went to see the first house we are interested in. It is located in Murrayville, right under the hill from the hospital. As much as we love the location, the house itself is too much to be fixed.

Seems like we need to move on to the next one. Possibly increase our budget so we might have more options.

Tomorrow also marks Mr. Gauer’s 40th Job Anniversary, congratulations!

last day of dog sitting

Last day of Mr. Chips, I will definitely miss him and hopefully I will visit sometimes in the future. He is such a gentle dog, although not very smart, he is pretty obedient. I understand he didn’t bark a lot like the smaller dog… but still, I’m not very used to the barking. Bibi and Happy usually don’t bother with other dogs, they are in their own little world with humans. Happy doesn’t bark much …. anyways, we are still thinking if we should bring him over to Canada. I wonder if he is physically able to fly all the way across the world.