也許是我小氣，把眼光都放在自己身上。我總是想 公義在哪裡？為什麼這樣被對待，情緒上的傷害，話語上的傷害，對方還是被敬重 被放在高處倍奉承？ 我不明白 有誰可以 justify 這樣的事情？因為要 捍衛自己的信仰，所以可以去攻擊別人 （一些根本沒有對她怎樣，沒攻擊她，被罵不還口的人）誰可以告訴我，這是什麼道理？
Christian apologetic is not merely making arguments, nor is an excuse to justify one’s act in attacking others spiritually, verbally and emotionally.
sometimes I wonder since when I became so bitter
I would find all the imperfection and flaws in a person so that I can justify myself that I don’t need such a friend in my life….
這幾年 我變得更安靜 不喜歡社交，連我最愛的逛街 我都可以pass。似乎不是每一個人都接受我這樣的改變。因為 我變得不再主動關心，不再主動說心事，所以我的“改變”別人不習慣。而我 not really that care anymore, 這一刻覺得會留下的 還是會留下。 如果你不習慣我的變， it says more about you than about me. 不願意看見我的“改變”的，謝謝你們曾經陪我走過的路。
如果你要捍衛自己的信仰， 不得不兇別人的話。我覺得你還不明白這信仰對你來說有什麼意義。我也大膽地說，你不了解這信仰，更不認識耶穌！
有聽說過廚房是女人的 territory 嗎？我知道家人來就是想大家一起相處。我知道我的 button 在哪裡，如何容易被 push botton。 所以說 我其實很在意我的廚房，雖然 我們家的廚房很小 但是這裡是我用食物 經驗婚姻的一個管道。 本來想好我自己煮飯，用不著別人碰我的廚房。家人過來，我要放手了～ 因為知道自己會在意，所以要先提醒自己要放手。如果他們來的時候，要佔領廚房的話，我要讓一步海闊天空。不是要卑微的在旁邊，而是要照顧到全部人在一起的氣氛。希望我可以管好自己的情緒….
畢竟，祂提醒我在地上的一切都是身外之物，家裡所以的東西 物件都是虛空的。
希望我能緊緊抓住 祂 的心意，因為有 祂 的愛就有希望。
昨晚做了一個夢， 夢見朋友昏迷 躺在醫院裡。夢裏感覺她很想有人為她禱告，好像我們的靈互相可以溝通似的。雖然兩人沒有說話，覺得知道她需要被禱告。夢中看見自己站在她床邊拉著她的手禱告，也知道她感覺到被禱告了。 醒來第一件事，問上帝的意思。我想我明白了，靈裡的昏迷必須透過禱告才能得醫治，甦醒！
這陣子跟叮叮講了很多她的事，以及很多看了不順眼的地方。心深處知道要禱告，卻很懶散。做了這個夢，我知道上帝已經給最後通牒，我跑不了。即使我這個人近年來變得很冷漠，但是我不敢違背上帝的心意。特別是祂已經做得很明顯的時候，我知道我必須要跟從。嗯！
身體攰又唔得，又話態度差，自己心情唔好發洩係我身上， 真X街！
你地搵唔到路 關我X事， 一早就話比你地知點行，又要死認叻，個人已經係 richmond 你驚去唔到？
Elly, my instructor, is straight forward and well declares her boundary with students. She repeatedly mentions her mom will be 100 years old today, if she hasn’t passed away. Her mom was a strong woman, very independent and also draws clear boundary with her coworker. Elly says she would like to let her mother’s legacy lives on to all the other women she comes across with.
We are reminded that we are in this class because we wanted business. So here she is, this is her work, and that’s why she is straight to the point. In a business setting, very often employees will be listening in a meeting, and would not interrupt the person who is talking. That’s what she’s training us, no talking when other’s talking. Drawing clear boundary, she says she won’t be offended and would not allow herself to be offended. It is because it’s all about business, and if you want to feel good, you can consider seeing your counsellor instead. Furthermore, she says she doesn’t listen to gossip, sounds to me that she doesn’t involve too much emotions when in working. This is what her mom taught her, independent, no gossip, and straight to business. Her friends love her as who she is, and not what she will do for others.
After today’s class, I came to a realization that I had been allowing myself and others to cross my boundaries in that organization. Mrs.J was all about having independent worker, and not have to worry about workers feeling hurt. As much as she expected workers to work effectively, she also emotionally abuse others. That being said, this working environment is toxic and unhealthy. I must be involved too much emotions in this place as well, because this was my church. I understand why I wasn’t feeling as hurt when Mr. Leung yelled and slandered in front of me, because I didn’t care about him. I was working in Best W for work. At PLK, I didn’t care about all other woman workers, I cared for my kid and I did well not gossiping.
Although, I’m not sure how I’m going to get things done for this class. I don’t even know if I would get placement …. but I learned about myself and how I set boundary for work. I’m glad I came to this realization today. Now, if I can only continue to pray for forgiveness….
Spent last two days with W to talk about her marriage crisis. I must say I’m not ready to be a counsellor because I got emotional along as we talked about what’s been going on last few years. Maybe God doesn’t me to solve their problem but walk along with them and support them. I learned that I still need to develop my counselling skills with critical mind, objective and calm.
Talked with K today, we concluded that God must be doing something in their lives. I came to realize that what is happened today fulfilled what I said few years back. I told hubby that in order for them to walk together in ministry, they have to walk side by side with same heart and vision. This powerful ministry came with these two broken people that are willing to be built by God. One cannot walk without another. This has to be done in order to allow God interfere in their lives. Break their pride, selfness, even brokenness from family and past. The time is here, everything will show when the light comes. Nothing can hide anymore, God will reveal all the darkness in us. The deepest root of all sins will be revealed because God is here ready to give surgery to the sickness in heart. The core of all being, these hearts must be renewed, rebuilt, and transform.
It seems life doesn’t always go so smoothly, and definitely not going the way I wanted it. I’ve been wanting to work with Bear in an same organization, at least I can see him more often. I’ve been wanting the house in HK will be sold soon, such as right now, so that we can get a house here in this maple land. I’ve been wanting to step up of this life game, get a job and earn some bling bling.
I sense that I’ve been taking all this too slowly …. yet, my heart is racing for all these come true. Maybe it’s time to really slow down, pause, think, pray, seek, ask, meditate, worship Him, adore Him, talk to Him, listen to Him….
Here is the distance a huge gap between us, God and I. Many times this whispering voice told me to go back to the Words. Open up the Bible and see what He is saying today. I’m so neglect to do so, and I wonder why…. I became that mediocre person, that so called Christian who doesn’t even want to go to church on Sunday. I became that person, dreaming of one thing and sitting there to do nothing.
Stress does built up within me when my brother doesn’t meet my parents’ expectations. These expectation somehow turn to me, if my brother doesn’t become what they want, at least I can turn out to be that person. Why? Why? Why? My heart is screaming this is so unfair. Why do I have to be that person? Ironically, I wanted to be that person. A person who is driven by goals and purposes, who doesn’t afraid of failure, who doesn’t mind those mean coworkers as long as my job sustain my living…. There a person who will contribute to the society, cheerful and mindful of other people.
I must admit I lost my dream…. I’ve been saying that for a long time….. I’m lost of who I am and what I should do. If hubby isn’t here to support me, I don’t even know where I will be today. This is what I’m thankful for, in time of trouble, He gave me such a loving husband to support me no matter what. Such loving person who doesn’t judge me and love me as I am. Thank you! I love you~