Today I went to the clinic to learn some technique which can help me to overcome my stress and anxiety. I found that very interesting and helpful. By the end of the session I felt silly that I believe what I believe. Hopefully I’ll continue to practice this exercise so the truth of God may come and root deeply in my heart.
Category Archives: Sore spots
To HK
Mom & Dad are going back to HK today. I can’t explain how my heart is deeply sadden by their leave. There are quite a few heavy feelings with their stay here. How many times I wanted to do my best but feel like I’m never good enough. Mom always has something to say no matter what I do.
Grumpy
Maybe I shouldn’t stay up all night doing nothing, this time I blame the milk tea. I was tired physically but my mind was pretty bright and strong until 3am. Lacking of sleep and only slept for few hours made me a monster of today. I did try to do something to occupy my mind and body, but found that I have no more room to stack the boxes. Looking at them for more two months now really makes me feel stressful! I now regret packing so early….. that makes us no where to go, sit… or do anything outside of the office ….sigh….
Reno con’t
We went to check out yesterday, but found that the old washer/dryer are no where in sight. They put them outside of the garage when someone came to fix the garage floor. I’m not too upset about losing the w/d; however, the thought of losing it made me feel unsafe. If they were stolen, I can’t help but thinking that someone actually drove by and took those away. Many scenarios ran through my mind… who would have going back and forth passing by our place to steal stuffs… when our side door key hole is twisted, I already thought that maybe someone came and tried to break in. No, I don’t feel safe anymore, giving my previous experience… I don’t think I will ever feel safe again…
I’m hoping to add a few surveillance cameras around the house and at each doors, security lights and all that… like i said before if ever stuffs happen at least there will be proof… I dunno… maybe I’m too worried and anxious….. sigh….
Friends & Family
I was happy to see Scarlett, it’s been six years since I last saw her. However, my body doesn’t agree with me, with all the activities I had last week. This tiredness is unbearable. I almost want to lay in the bed all day long, I’m that tired. My whole body is aching, energy level dropped to the lowest, and my mind goes blank.
So this morning when I saw Chris’ message, I’m pissed and annoyed. I’m not able to make changes for my schedule, it’s mentally unable … physically unwilling….. I’m tired for this…. I wish this could come to the end……. I’m tired…..tired…….tired………
horrible
Some horrible things happen in my dream, it was evil and something I don’t want to mention… I feel frustrated to have bad dreams. I feel like something happening in the spiritual realm I can’t explain and it is disturbing me in my sleep…. I feel alone in this spiritual journey…. somehow I feel alone…. and lack of strength to fight back….
fear of rejection
something has stopped from finishing my application. it’s the fear that slowly and surely creeping up on me. i’m afraid of being rejected from the program. that fear stops me from sitting down and do the last bit of the video. that fear stops me from reaching out to my dream. i can’t say enough how much i think i’m incapable, how lack self-confidence to reach out that last bit of task to begin a great journey. hunny often asks what he can help me. i’m not sure if anything can help me except i can get rid of that fear in me.
besides, my mind is still bothered by the conversation with miss e. although i’m not surprised on how she’s very judgemental, she’s not the person i thought i know. maybe somehow i overlook the fact that she’s younger, should be much less mature. i dunno…
the forgotten one
Yesterday I was supposed to meet Miss K and Miss A in Miss L’s place. It was toward 5pm and I didn’t really want to go because I wasn’t feeling well. I had decided to go nonetheless because I wanted to try to connect with people. Hunny was almost home to pick me up to go there, I was all ready… except it was 5pm already so I texted Miss K that I would be late. It turned out they cancelled the dinner, and again…. I wasn’t informed
Talking about the forgotten one, I wonder why it is me… I wouldn’t say “always”, but it happened before. I have a pretty good guess now and I think I figure it out somehow. Probably I’m not weighted as important as other people, not gonna compare but I think it’s just a fact. I found myself this time more at ease in heart, somehow I kinda expected.
God certainly will never forget me, I’m sure… very sure because He love is greater than anything/anyone.
有些事
有些事心裡明白了，心情也釋放了。想起過去有一個人，一次又一次沒有把我包括在她的活動中。現在我明白我其實已經被放在好朋友的圈子外。也許現在不是難過 而是覺得心情釋放了。我不用在想要怎樣維持一個不現實的關係。
真心覺得年紀大了 就會多想。就算是昨天好像已經把話說開，我覺得關係中還是由疙瘩。或許是我自己無法像以前一樣地天真，那麼多的包容 忍耐。我變了…. 但不是我想要的 我。
Meeting up old friend
Hubby decided to contact Miss L for me. We met today at lunch and had a long chat. I felt that we definitely clear things up, but I wonder if this will last long. I mean I’m still a little guilty not inviting her to our wedding. We did talked about it… but… I dunno.
I told her everything that I experienced in that place, and she expressed that she understood being that she worked there for more than a decade. She also told me how much she appreciated Hubby and I had done in that place. I mean…. it’s nice to literally hear that from someone saying it.
I felt relief that I can tell someone, or Miss L what I went through there. I don’t need to hide it (my feelings, resentment, all that…) anymore in being afraid I’m judging those elders.
I’m thankful for the Lord is among us!
I pray for God’s healing upon my body and my mind, amen.