有些事心裡明白了，心情也釋放了。想起過去有一個人，一次又一次沒有把我包括在她的活動中。現在我明白我其實已經被放在好朋友的圈子外。也許現在不是難過 而是覺得心情釋放了。我不用在想要怎樣維持一個不現實的關係。
真心覺得年紀大了 就會多想。就算是昨天好像已經把話說開，我覺得關係中還是由疙瘩。或許是我自己無法像以前一樣地天真，那麼多的包容 忍耐。我變了…. 但不是我想要的 我。
Category Archives: Life stuffs
Meeting up old friend
Hubby decided to contact Miss L for me. We met today at lunch and had a long chat. I felt that we definitely clear things up, but I wonder if this will last long. I mean I’m still a little guilty not inviting her to our wedding. We did talked about it… but… I dunno.
I told her everything that I experienced in that place, and she expressed that she understood being that she worked there for more than a decade. She also told me how much she appreciated Hubby and I had done in that place. I mean…. it’s nice to literally hear that from someone saying it.
I felt relief that I can tell someone, or Miss L what I went through there. I don’t need to hide it (my feelings, resentment, all that…) anymore in being afraid I’m judging those elders.
I’m thankful for the Lord is among us!
I pray for God’s healing upon my body and my mind, amen.
dreams – Bible stories
I dreamt of talking to an elderly women who seems to be a missionary and other pastor around in the same room. We had a conversation on how much I know the Bible stories. I told her I remember 登山變像 and Peter’s fisherman of men… there’s supposedly one more story, but I forgot when I got up…
Very interesting … maybe time to read the Bible again?
naturopathic visit – parasites
It seems that blood circulation and hormone balance are getting better. However, my digestive system is very weak, and Dr. F found out that I have parasites. From my research this morning, having parasites might be affecting my digestive system as well. I would say I have 8 out of 10 from the list below >_<
10 Signs You May Have a Parasite
- You have unexplained constipation, diarrhea, gas, or other symptoms of IBS
- You traveled internationally and remember getting traveler’s diarrhea while abroad
- You have a history of food poisoning and your digestion has not been the same since.
- You have trouble falling asleep, or you wake up multiple times during the night.
- You get skin irritations or unexplained rashes, hives, rosacea or eczema.
- You grind your teeth in your sleep.
- You have pain or aching in your muscles or joints.
- You experience fatigue, exhaustion, depression, or frequent feelings of apathy.
- You never feel satisfied or full after your meals.
- You’ve been diagnosed with iron-deficiency anemia.
dream this week
In my dream, hubby and I were on our way out of the airport. The highway was close due to construction and we had to go to the only route on the side of the city. We passed by a forest and then reached a wooden bridge. I was surprised to see the beautiful scenery behind those trees. There was this giant waterfall, very much like Niagara Fall in the East. The water was so clear underneath where the sun was shinning down and the water was glistening. In order to pass this scene, we had to cross the one and only way on this wooden bridge. It was scary since the wooden bridge was merely as wide as our car. However, we made it to the end, that’s also the end of this dream.
I told Hubby about my dream this morning… as we were discussing, I got a sense that we passed the trial, test, or whatever difficulty that we were facing. Surely, the path was difficult and dangerous, but the process itself is a beauty. I wonder what God is saying to us today!? Blessings~ God is with us!
Mortgage
It was approved yesterday and we finally sense a relief from wondering what’s going to happen. Moving ahead, we started to pack and so far there are 20+boxes of books alone. Still not sure if we’re hiring moving company to move our belonging. I’m prompting toward hiring moving company instead of asking friends. Anyways, we need to get the house key first, then see how long will the reno take. Blessings, God is with us!
just a little bit today….
Today I’m feeling a little bit depressed. The thought of not doing anything, and not accomplishing anything made me sad. I feel useless, and no purpose on earth. I feel lonely when I thought of no one to share the joy of having a house. I don’t feel that I want to connect with the “old gang” of friends. I feel different when all I think of I’m a Honger and they are Taiwanese. I couldn’t bring myself to another level of acceptance. Isn’t there level of acceptance anyways? I dunno…. maybe I’m tired… maybe period is about to come… maybe I don’t have my period…. aiii…..
看開點
今天，心血來潮的在whatsapp 跟陳小寶打招呼，想說他應該快要來Van。結果，他告訴我他跟拍拖兩年多的 Joy 分手了。然後呢，現在跟一個香港女生在一起，他說他跟Joy 年紀差太多溝通不來。感覺是一個似曾相識的故事內容，他哥以前也是這樣。
不一樣的是我，我心境不一樣了。以前，會覺得男生很花心說變就變。 其實，我都沒有真正瞭解他們相處模式，就覺得是男生沒有想清楚，或不夠愛對方。這次我就聽他說，既然他決定了分手 跟另外一個在一起，我就祝福他。畢竟，我明白這是他的人生。年紀越大看這些事情就越看開。 以前會為他們緊張，為對方女生緊張 其實都是學習過程。
原來看開一點，心情也好過一點。
Future/Past
Life is full of regrets and resentment, it is not always perfect as much as we wanted. Looking back I see things that I have done wrong, I might not want to do anything about it yet. However, there is one thing that I am still very content is to love the man that would never let me go. I see him became stronger everyday, stepping up the role to be a better husband and the pillar of this household. I’m thankful that he is who he is, and only gets better of his own version in Christ.
As we are moving forward, the next chapter of being a adult. We have to decide the location, budget, and preference for our new home. I honestly don’t have patience with this, I just want it to be done with as soon as possible. The strength of our relationship comes from our differences, hubby is the patience, rational, and logical one. No one would like to rush into a decision in buying a house, and we are talking about half a million home.
I’m still learning to be quiet before God. It has been difficult to listen to his voice. The bible hasn’t been opened for a long time. I’m so neglect to reach to that bookshelf. My heart has been cold for him. I want to pursue him again, but I found myself lacking motivation. I hate the word “passion” because it reminds me to something in the past. Still, I must admit I lost the passion for God. I don’t know what to do…
Moving on moving
Today marks the first move of our plan to get our own place. It was a relief for me to talk to Patricia this morning. We are blessed and we are prayed for pursuing our dream and future as she gladly accepted the news. I feel this is the right thing to do, to honour one another as we honour God. We know why we are here in the first place, God provided all our needs.
So moving on~ We need to talk to Raymond and a realtor. The ship is sailing now, hopefully steadily and gradually so we can reach our first home.