Category Archives: Dream|Journey

in the process

Dream|Journey, Life stuffs, Sore spots, Spirituality

I didn’t receive email for lifting 10kg material test before Dec 2. At first CRA staff would like another reference send in, besides Mr. N already sent one. I was then asking Dr. D to be my reference. The whole process was stressful, as I somehow didn’t believe that people in authority would want to help me. As much as I wanted to believe them, knowing that they’re faithful servant of God, deep down in my heart I distrusted them. Maybe I didn’t believe in myself, or thinking I wasn’t worthy of being help?

Fast forward to another week, got an email on Dec 3 for another questionnaire. This time is more prominent, as it seems the email has particularly indicate the position is for Surrey location. The questionnaire expire on Dec 7, which means I might have to wait another week to be contacted for the heavy lifting test.

I believe God knows every single details in my life, also what’s going on in my body. I can’t believe I walked into Florie while she was having a free 15mins in her clinic. That rarely happened to her, but she decided to give me a scan as I mentioned my stomach wasn’t well every time I ate. It turned out I had been eating too much carbs and my stomach and whole body became very acidic, which is a growing ground for fungus. She gave me some new drops to treat fungus and wanted me to go in to see her asap.

I was on the cancelation list, but to my surprise I got in to see her a week after. Again, if it’s not God’s hand moving me into that direction, I don’t know when I will be able to see Florie. I’m slowing getting better with my stomach. I was very concerned with my heart, as it was pounding heavily. Florie pointed out it was anxiety, more likely related to my emotional stress. I was a bit relief knowing it’s not a heart problem.

God has been faithful, always is and always will. I casually told him that if I ever get the CRA job, I’ll start going back to church. I think he reminded me that I don’t need to bargain with him. Our relationship isn’t like that at all, his love for me doesn’t base on how often I go to church. I have a deeply assurance that my relationship with him has never changed, even when I feel distant to him sometimes. If anything, this relationship will only grow stronger and better. Thank you Lord~

Nervous/Exciting

Dream|Journey, Life stuffs, Sore spots

The long wait had been gone, I finally decided to apply for a job.  Though I must say i didn’t work hard to find one at all, this opportunity to pursuit one is here.  Who knows if this is what God has in mind, I just knew that this opportunity seems too easy to come by.  I’ve been feeling stressed and nervous since I found out I’ll be taking the exam and having the interview on Oct 27th.

I’m stressed and nervous because I feel like this is my chance to prove that I am able.  Is this God’s given chance to prove that I am still capable to do well in exams, speak english in a cohesive and logic way to express myself. Am I able to do this job? I want to prove that I can and I want to grab this opportunity so that I can see my worth.

I also want to start to work so that I can help ease the load on Hubby’s shoulder.  He has been working so hard to support our family. Yet, I’m doing nothing, and I wanted a change…. I want to work hard together with hubby to pursuit our goals, and to travel around the world.

As much as I wanted to get this job, I need to lay it all down to Him. If He’s willing…

May Your will be done, amen.

Decision

Dream|Journey, Psych stuffs

Did I wonder if I made the right decision withdrawing the program? Yes, I wondered. However, as I made my decision and talked to Ms.I.J. I felt relief.

She told me that she considered I’m among the top students in the class, with great writing skills, mature, and with life experience. She think I’ll have a bright future in this field if I continue.

Now that I have this affirmation, I’m glad and contented.  It just push me more to go for the Master degree.

Classmate

Dream|Journey, Psych stuffs, Spirituality

One of my classmates was away for two days already. She is here alone with her two daughters in Canada, and apparently her daughters aren’t used to being here. My first hunch is that they are home sick and missing their friends. That left my classmate having a hard time with them, because they’re acting out. They aren’t going to bed and aren’t studying. She’s having a hard time with them, and she’s telling me that she’s going to fail this current course.

Though both of us are quiet and didn’t talk much, somehow we are connected. Maybe because she’s in my self-exploration group. Maybe because she’s away from home just arriving here in Canada three months ago. I can relate to her and sense her struggles, be it language barrier or away from home.

I sent her an email last night and greet her with blessings. I asked God in my heart if she’s going to make it through the program, and my heart somehow aches for her. But God told me to not to worry, just pray for her. I continue to pray that God has such a way to comfort her daughters, when God’s willing help her to finish this program until next August.

Tonight

Dream|Journey, Sore spots

Tonight I felt defeated. I tried to sit down and study, but my mind is foggy and tired. I slept an hour or so to take a nap. It didn’t help. I’m frustrated that my brain doesn’t want to cooperate with me for this final exam study. At this moment, I wonder what I’m doing… why am I doing this?

Changes and pain

Dream|Journey, Life stuffs, Sore spots

Our heart ache for this change. Who would have thought there were so many memories only you and I share. From CFN to CC, from CC to PLBC, we grew and witnessed God’s fathfulness through it all. He provided more than we needed and wanted. We’re thankful for the friends we made along this journey. As we sail away to our next phrase. Let’s just say that the changes is good, but it scars us and brings us pain. This mark will forever in our heart. May God remind us your goodness and faithfulness when this mark tugs our aching heart. We’ll continue to bring light to this world. May God be with us.

The Idea of Divorce

Dream|Journey, Spirituality

I’ve never thought that I’ll be facing it one day to deal with my friends divorce…. or the idea of divorce. Although, there was time I talked to Mrs.C and spent a long time to talk to her convincing her to see a counsellor. It turned out their relationship is much better today, I’m glad I was there walking with them.

Since yesterday talked to D about her idea of divorce, I still have no clue how to help. It’s funny I’m on the crossroad between going to work or start studying again. Many hints popped up reminding me how lack of skills I am when dealing and counselling with people. Maybe God didn’t need to me earn money? Maybe that’s not His idea for me at this time? I mean seeing my best friend facing divorce today, it hits me harder than dealing with anyone.  I do admit I want to be a better counsellor, a better listener, a better problem solver…

So I guess I have decided now? Are those hints obvious enough for me to pursue education rather than money? humm…..

Driving with Him

Dream|Journey, Spirituality

I haven’t been driving a lot in the past few months or even years. I do enjoy driving alone especially now I’m back to my normal self, although, i sometimes still need to tell myself to focus while driving. I used to have many conversation with God while driving, but I don’t recall anything that came true. Maybe I just forgot many things that happened in the past. Today, I clearly heard Him say that I’m called to be a pastor… hummm…. women pastor…. whatttttt??? I immediately thought of Jennifer from LHF, she’s such a genuine person and I think she’s more suitable to be a women pastor. I’ll continue to see what God want me to do…. very interesting conversation today!

Application

Dream|Journey, Psych stuffs

I’ve been writing my application for counselling program at PLBC in the last few days. Still, I haven’t finished it yet. I know I always said that I don’t have friends, but I have a few friends though. I think it’s good enough? They are very supportive when I say I’m going to study for counselling.

I can do it ! I can do it! I can do it!

 

 

Miracle

Dream|Journey, Life stuffs

The Lord provided what we needed. As I’m such a little faith I always worried that we’ll not be able to afford mortgage and will lose our home. Somehow the thoughts of preparing for the worse always stick with me. I’ve never doubt Hubby’s ability, how he’s capable to do great thing for his work place. I’ve never worried that he won’t get a job or offer, because I know how much he’s capable to do.

Besides, there’s an offer from a firm in Surrey, Mr.N is trying to match the offer so that Hubby will stay. I’m happy for him, knowing that God never cease to amaze us. It’s a miracle that Hubby got a salary raise and he got to stay longer in the current work place. God is good! I’m thankful!

I wonder if I go out there to find a job, who will take me ? I experienced the worst work place ever in my life, however, I wonder if I will ever get a better work place. I lost my faith in people, the world out there seems scary to me. Lately, I’ve been thinking if I still want to study or work. Even with studying, I wonder if I still want to go for counselling, or theology. Something to think about ….