Our heart ache for this change. Who would have thought there were so many memories only you and I share. From CFN to CC, from CC to PLBC, we grew and witnessed God’s fathfulness through it all. He provided more than we needed and wanted. We’re thankful for the friends we made along this journey. As we sail away to our next phrase. Let’s just say that the changes is good, but it scars us and brings us pain. This mark will forever in our heart. May God remind us your goodness and faithfulness when this mark tugs our aching heart. We’ll continue to bring light to this world. May God be with us.
All posts by Miso
What dinner?
Five day ago when I met Miss L, I lightly suggested that maybe we should have dinner this coming Sunday with other families. Life goes on, school started, and I was exhausted with two full days of school. I totally forgot the dinner …. It’s Sunday today and got her message in the afternoon. She told me that the dinner is confirmed, but she forgot to tell.
First, I forgot about the dinner. Second, she confirmed the dinner without letting me know. Third, I felt like I was blamed not showing up since I started the idea for dinner. I can only say that there’s miscommunication in between…. However, it still bugs me when I think about that… it interrupted my thoughts on writing paper, that sucks!
Lord, I admit that I am wrong not confirming or even forgot about the dinner. Will you help me to ease the anger within me. Although, I would like to know why I’m so mad… I don’t have time for this right now. Can you kindly give me peace at heart so that I might finish my paper tonight? Thank you Lord!
Judging
Sometimes I’m amazed at how much a person can and will judge another person. For things that don’t go along with one’s idea or flavours, she will judge someone because she’s not satisfied with rejection. Calling out someone being self-centred, she hits her own blind spot with seeing herself as one. The conversation is full of contradictions from beginning to the end. It’s all about herself, how she’s more mature in dealing things, having ideas for doing business, or how she sacrifice herself to do others. I found that it’s all BS when indeed she’s looking for returns of flavours.
Maybe I’m not mad when I heard her judging and complaining someone. Rather, I’m amazed at how sinful we are when we lose sight of God. Was He in the picture when she’s complaining and judging? Was he in the picture when she’s planning her new life for the next six months or so? For sure… I don’t know. He knows and He will definitely show His heart, in His time.
Hubby and I did mention that we do not want to get into someone business unless we are asked to help. Nor did we want to state our opinion unless we are asked to speak out. There’s time for everything. Meanwhile, have some self-control and live your life like Jesus.
The Idea of Divorce
I’ve never thought that I’ll be facing it one day to deal with my friends divorce…. or the idea of divorce. Although, there was time I talked to Mrs.C and spent a long time to talk to her convincing her to see a counsellor. It turned out their relationship is much better today, I’m glad I was there walking with them.
Since yesterday talked to D about her idea of divorce, I still have no clue how to help. It’s funny I’m on the crossroad between going to work or start studying again. Many hints popped up reminding me how lack of skills I am when dealing and counselling with people. Maybe God didn’t need to me earn money? Maybe that’s not His idea for me at this time? I mean seeing my best friend facing divorce today, it hits me harder than dealing with anyone. I do admit I want to be a better counsellor, a better listener, a better problem solver…
So I guess I have decided now? Are those hints obvious enough for me to pursue education rather than money? humm…..
Dead Rat
There’s a dead rat in the house! We initially found a bad smell last night and we thought it was Oki’s poop outside in the deck. This morning the smell continue to be so bad and we turned on the furnace fans. It was still bad throughout the day. Hubby decided to open the crawl space, and right there is the dead rat died in the trap. We need to figure out where it came in. I still think that it’s the hole in the corner of the garage…. anyways, I hope not to see any more in the house ever.
生離死別
早上收到 Fido 的訊息通知我missed 了一通電話。對照contact list 後知道是 Mrs.D， 接著收到她 line message 我還是沒有回。再過半小時 T 打來，原來是 她的 uncle 走了，問我可不可以去接她媽媽。她需要去 VGH，但是請我載她到 skytrain 也可以。我支吾以對地拒絕了。
這兩天我無法負荷身體的軟弱，又再次感覺無力，頭痛。加上我其實害怕面對生離死別，人生有一次就夠了。自從 Tammy 回天家後，我再沒有去喪禮，去了也不會瞻仰遺容。想到有一天是自己的父母，那是無可避免的。所以現在我不認識的，我覺得我可以能不去就不去了。請原諒我的軟弱，身體跟精神的軟弱， 我無法幫忙今天的任務。 我知道這幾天來 我早上都已經畫好妝，隨時是可以出門的。小狗也適應我們出門，但是 I feel like something is weighting me down … physically. I feel helpless and I dont’ know what I can do to make myself better.
是不是我又給自己藉口不去行動了？我是不是很自私？ /____\
Eggs explosion
I’ve been using the cpap machine for a week now. I did feel like my thinking is clearer and my vision is brighter. Still, I will wake up in the morning having headache, although, no more bathroom visit in the middle of the night. My blood pressure is still high, however, lower than before I started to use the machine.
I hate having headache, really hate is such a strong word but I hate it. It takes away all my energy in the morning and gives me a crappy mood.
Hunny has been patient with me and taking care of me. I’ve never felt so guilty because I feel like I didn’t take care of him. I feel like I’m his burden that he’s tired from work and still need to take care of me. The breakfast exploded this morning in the microwave, and I felt nothing but annoyed. Many thoughts were racing in my mind….. only if I can feel better, have more energy, think more clearly…. only if i can be as healthy as i wanted to be……
Hospital Visit
This morning I left home around 8:30 to take Ding Mama to the hospital for check up. It didn’t take longer than I anticipated since Auntie Amy was there to help. I must be honest that today I experienced many first time. I’ve never push a wheelchair before. I’ve never accompanied any one for a hospital check up before. I’ve never been so positive to cheer up a patient before. I’ve never been so active in helping people to make phone call (speaking english) before.
Today, I’ve experience many first time and I’m thankful I’m there to help.Three of us chatted and talked about many things. I learned that sometimes listening is good enough. I was being assured again that going into the counselling field is suitable to my personality. Although, I didn’t know why Auntie Amy said that. She surely told me that she could feel that I’m a good candidate for studying counselling. She must have sensed/ seen something about me, but I’m not sure what!?
I drove around after the hospital visit to pick up lunch, and also in attempt to pick up the medicine. I came to a conclusion that Ding Mama needs some one to encourage her and listen to her. While we were talking during lunch, she said she felt there was less pain with her legs. There was so much psychological stress for hospital visit, unknown medical condition for her pain, frustration of unable to walk around, the stress is definitely building up within her and magnified the pain. I’m not sure how to explain it, but chatting with her did make her felt better…. she took pain killer at 8:00am and hadn’t taken any when I left around 2:00pm. She told me that for the last few days, she took double dosage of pain killer in every 4 hours. However, the pain eased down today after the hospital visit.
This encourages me that actively listening can bring healing. This encourages me to not giving up to pursue my dream. This encourages me see beyond the listening and talking, when you focus on the patient well being. This encourages me to see what God is doing in my life and in their life. Ding Mama seems to know it’s her time to go, but God still gives her some time because of her mission on earth. She surely was urged by the spirit to preach to me and others that she cares to repent and turn back to God. Though, I’m not fully agree with going to church equals to seeking God. That’s her concept of getting closer to God, I won’t disagree that Christian need community.
Anyways, it’s an interesting day. God definitely is speaking to me and asking me to see a bigger picture as school is going to start in two weeks. I’m thankful~ I’m blessed. The Lord is with us. Amen.
Driving with Him
I haven’t been driving a lot in the past few months or even years. I do enjoy driving alone especially now I’m back to my normal self, although, i sometimes still need to tell myself to focus while driving. I used to have many conversation with God while driving, but I don’t recall anything that came true. Maybe I just forgot many things that happened in the past. Today, I clearly heard Him say that I’m called to be a pastor… hummm…. women pastor…. whatttttt??? I immediately thought of Jennifer from LHF, she’s such a genuine person and I think she’s more suitable to be a women pastor. I’ll continue to see what God want me to do…. very interesting conversation today!
Conversation with Miss K
I can’t help but to think of a way to help Miss K to see the current situation she is in. Do I think that she’s being unfair with little N? Yes, I do. Do I believe that she’s projecting her anger and discontentment upon little N? Yes, I do.
I can only ask for wisdom from the Lord and the right timing, if Lord you want me to say anything.