想走自己選擇的路
不一定得到別人的認同
改變不一定得到接納
因為改變讓人失去熟悉的模式
原來當一個人不再像以前滿有熱情
性情開朗，個性主動 這樣的改變會被人唾棄
你已經不是別人認識的哪個開朗的人了
你這個人失去了功效
我看清所謂的朋友
一旦失去價值 也必被厭棄
從前曾經付出的關懷
換來今天的一個人
請不要說因為我懶得解釋 所以沒有人知道
我跟你同樣有一張嘴
可惜的是有些人連問都不問我的狀況
因為覺得我會說的時候 就會說
所以我一直不說 你就不問
那麽就一直輪迴下去吧～
All posts by Miso
Friends who know God
好幾個月前在FB上寫的一篇感想換來一些人的回應。其中 N先生pm 過來關心一下。提及朋友都越來越少，他的回應讓我印象深刻。他說，是不是你懶得解釋所以不跟朋友溝通，或認識新朋友？
同樣的對話，上個星期 Ben 卻又不一樣的說法。而他的說法讓我感覺到朋友之間的接納。他並沒有說我應該怎樣做，而是神要我做什麼？也許是休息，也許是安靜。相對之下，N先生的話我感到指責，因為是我懶惰而不去交朋友。他並沒有要了解我的心情，為什麼我失去動力。He’s kinda like, just suck it up and do what you need to do. Of course, I don’t need to explain to Ben since we went through similar situation in that organization. He understood already.
對我而言，我以為N先生說的話對我沒有影響，原來我很看重他的話 因為畢竟我們從中學時期認識。原來我想聽到的不是解決方法，而是聽到對方聆聽的聲音。我想聽到也許神的心意是這樣的….. 而不是用人的方法去解決問題。
總結，交朋友要找願意聆聽神聲音的人，有屬靈洞察力的朋友。
Home sweet home
The roller coaster ride is just starting to climb, we are yet to reach the climax. The excitement is getting intense as we anticipate to see our dream comes true. Still, worries and anxiety are overwhelming, as we are going to choose our first house. The dilemma to choose between a new townhouse or a used home is giving me anxiety.
As much as mom said that it doesn’t matter what we choose, they would’t stay here too long each time they come. I feel like this is still their money, their house, it’s dad’s hard earn money blesses us a chance to have our own place. It is my desire to put their needs in the first priority when considering buying a house.
Yet, we need to put into consideration with the money we have, location and price that we can afford.
oh Lord, please help!
Expressed
We went to Langley small group on April 9. It was the first time ever within a group, I talked about my hurt experience in the previous church. My initial thought after I shared was that everything sound so bad, because I was too honest with my feelings. Some people did appreciate my honesty.
After talking to hubby, I have came to the conclusion that people never fail to disappoint us, even the elders in the church. Seeing those elders doing things in the grey areas, I think I can hardly trust authority again. When I see power and authority was abused for personal interest, I wonder what else people wouldn’t do?!
Christian apologetics
也許是我小氣，把眼光都放在自己身上。我總是想 公義在哪裡？為什麼這樣被對待，情緒上的傷害，話語上的傷害，對方還是被敬重 被放在高處倍奉承？ 我不明白 有誰可以 justify 這樣的事情？因為要 捍衛自己的信仰，所以可以去攻擊別人 （一些根本沒有對她怎樣，沒攻擊她，被罵不還口的人）誰可以告訴我，這是什麼道理？
Christian apologetic is not merely making arguments, nor is an excuse to justify one’s act in attacking others spiritually, verbally and emotionally.
bitterness
sometimes I wonder since when I became so bitter
I would find all the imperfection and flaws in a person so that I can justify myself that I don’t need such a friend in my life….
曾經
這幾年 我變得更安靜 不喜歡社交，連我最愛的逛街 我都可以pass。似乎不是每一個人都接受我這樣的改變。因為 我變得不再主動關心，不再主動說心事，所以我的“改變”別人不習慣。而我 not really that care anymore, 這一刻覺得會留下的 還是會留下。 如果你不習慣我的變， it says more about you than about me. 不願意看見我的“改變”的，謝謝你們曾經陪我走過的路。
nails…
It’s been two months since I paint my nails….
I really want some colour on my nails since Spring is coming, and the weather is getting better.
(~_ ~)
信仰
如果你要捍衛自己的信仰， 不得不兇別人的話。我覺得你還不明白這信仰對你來說有什麼意義。我也大膽地說，你不了解這信仰，更不認識耶穌！
身外之物
有聽說過廚房是女人的 territory 嗎？我知道家人來就是想大家一起相處。我知道我的 button 在哪裡，如何容易被 push botton。 所以說 我其實很在意我的廚房，雖然 我們家的廚房很小 但是這裡是我用食物 經驗婚姻的一個管道。 本來想好我自己煮飯，用不著別人碰我的廚房。家人過來，我要放手了～ 因為知道自己會在意，所以要先提醒自己要放手。如果他們來的時候，要佔領廚房的話，我要讓一步海闊天空。不是要卑微的在旁邊，而是要照顧到全部人在一起的氣氛。希望我可以管好自己的情緒….
畢竟，祂提醒我在地上的一切都是身外之物，家裡所以的東西 物件都是虛空的。
希望我能緊緊抓住 祂 的心意，因為有 祂 的愛就有希望。