Meeting with Florie yesterday, I discovered my emotional issue was the first thing that came up. I was fascinated by the machine, which I only held on to two attached metal rods for 2 minutes. It came up with all the issues in my body. It’s very interesting indeed.
So I got three supplements and one bottle of clear drop, that I need to take daily. I will go back to see Florie in three weeks, meanwhile, I will see if the supplements are taking effect in my body…
那一天走進每一間有可能會買到拐杖的商店，找遍整個機場 我們失望地回到出境區。走到禁區前，我們跟他們揮手道別。唯獨外婆沒有轉頭看我們，我心裡難過了起來。雖然，我們相處的時間少之又少，但是，我打從心裡尊敬她。可能是因為她從一開始就接納我，讓我沒有感到被排外，或因外表被論斷。也因著她，我想到自己的外婆 晚年過的淒涼，孤獨。 所以， 我珍惜跟老公外婆相處的時光。
當天，我心中焦急地惱怒老公不發一言。我以為年老的長輩有優先權進入出境區。心中的難過不捨他們回去，混著對老公過度的期待。就在情人節的當天，我生氣地沈默。他試著跟我溝通，帶我去逛街，我卻一直走著不理他。我看到他的難過，我更是狠心不講話。
是倔強，堅持，還是無理取鬧，我自己心裡明白。
想起今年的情人節，雖然我們都不常特別慶祝節日，但是因為我 我們二人都不開心。
老公，對不起！ 謝謝你包容我的壞脾氣。我是知道的，你不從跟我計較，所以我更謝謝你。
I love you Hunny~
Today marks the first move of our plan to get our own place. It was a relief for me to talk to Patricia this morning. We are blessed and we are prayed for pursuing our dream and future as she gladly accepted the news. I feel this is the right thing to do, to honour one another as we honour God. We know why we are here in the first place, God provided all our needs.
So moving on~ We need to talk to Raymond and a realtor. The ship is sailing now, hopefully steadily and gradually so we can reach our first home.
Thank you Lord for this place to live. Thank you Lord for food on the table. Thank you Lord for our parents who love us. Thank you Lord for your provision. Thank you Lord you’ve heard our prayers. Thank you Lord you know our needs and wants. Thank you Lord you won’t spoil us. Thank you Lord for your discipline. Thank you Lord you give us opportunity to learn to have patience. Thank you Lord our lives are in your hands. Thank you Lord for your patience with us. Thank you Lord our hope is in you. Thank you Lord you grab us to hang on. Thank you Lord for the strength you give us. Thank you Lord this is not our home. Thank you Lord your presence is us with. Thank you Lord our home is in you. Thank you Lord we are able to praise you. Thank you Lord you put faith in our heart. Thank you Lord you increase the desire in our heart to love you. Thank you Lord your grace allow us to pursue you. Thank you Lord we have the joy of your salvation. Thank you Lord you never let us go. Thank you Lord you walk with us in different seasons in our lives. Thank you Lord we see you in our lives.
May you show us your way, your heart desire, your plan~ Thank you Lord~
Today marks the third day of Dukan Diet, I have already felt a little lighter. It was about three years ago that I started and stuck with the diet plan, at the end I lost 40lbs in 5 months.
This time I want to do it better and do it right. I dislike the heaviness of my body, I felt like I was disabled to do certain thing as simple as bending down my body to touch my toes. I used to do it with no problem, I can still do it now but feel difficult.
So here we go again~ Let’s do it!
May 21-23
三天兩夜 Canmore Trip
過去兩星期，大家忙來忙去的。 Patricia & Stanley 回去馬來西亞，我們要照顧Chris。 加上去Dr.Deeks 家照顧 Chesles，Sophie。 Hubby 跟我都沒有睡好，可是我們臨時決定去Canmore 兩三天。
雖然要開十個鐘頭的車程，但卻覺得充滿了電～
算是慶祝我們一起五年 ^___^ yay！✌️
I dreamed of screaming and crying like an infant that only wants acceptance and love. The feeling of relief and freedom of crying out loud in this dream is something that I want for in the reality. If only I am brave enough to allow myself crying without worrying what other think of me. How sad… how oppress… of these feelings trapped inside of me.
Why do I often feel rejected? Why do I often feel like I don’t belong here (anywhere)? The fear of being rejected kept me away from people. I found myself intentionally walking away from friends because I want to see if I’m worthy for anyone to pursue for friendship. Yet, I know that I want to be pursued but I don’t want to commit in a friendship.
Early in my teenage years to my early twenty’s, people came and gone in my life. The heart breaking of people leaving due to various reasons. I once thought I found my group of friend… maybe they never meant to stay….
I can only say that I know this loneliness is not to be filled by human. I recognize the earth is not my home, being with God is home.
I just want to be home again.
We are as awkward as we could be, and so does everyone being awkward in their own ways. None of us is perfect, nor do we all normal as we thought. We are all unique and awkward. Humanity is showing us how imperfect we are. We are just human.
Every time when Peter saw me early in church, he would always tell me that he didn’t know what he was doing. Today, he said the same thing, and jokingly asked me to speak today. “Me? You want me to speak?”, I replied in a worried voice tone. He said, “yah, as long as you have God’s word, you do have God’s word right?”
Of course, I know he was joking… yet again, it got me to think if I really have anything to say. I hate public speaking with all my heart. My heart will pound like crazy, my head will spin like I’m going to win a wheel of fortune, my throat will get dry…. anything that shouldn’t be happening will happen once I get in front of people, it doesn’t matter how many people too!
So yes, I might have the word of God in me, something I can share. However, it’s not time yet…. I don’t know if there will ever be time…. to preach…. just saying…. I’m still very much interested in studying theology.
如果說人生只需要一個朋友的話，我現在就已經有了
可是，為何我還是不滿足？
很多次反覆思考這個問題，我還是沒有答案
心底深處其實明白，我最需要的是上帝
但是每次在FB上看到群組的照片沒有我
或是別人相約一起去台灣旅行
不禁心裡還是想為什麼不邀請我一起去
Maybe this is what hubby was saying “fomo”
Maybe I’ve never walked out that shadow of hurt from previous place.
The fact that I’m not interested in knowing people and building relationships with others, isolated myself even more. I felt like trap in a dark tunnel and never able to get out. I don’t see the end of it, I only feel lonely in this walk.
The breakfast with Eileen this morning got me to think what I really want. We talked about God’s calling in her life, she somehow feels that she’ll only be satisfied if she works in church. We’ve also talked about her friend’s problem, who has false idea of God and how Eileen tries to get her back on track. Eileen was saying that she might consider go to bible college to further equip herself for ministry. I explained it is a a commitment to spend 2-3 years in bible college, or even going to Mdiv.
Listening to her friend’s problem, my brain started to turn into my theological debate mode. I must say I like it, still today I think I would choose studying theology over counselling. But, what do I studying that for? I don’t want to be a pastor, I don’t even want to talk to people. I know my heart desire to dig deeper in God’s word, but for what ? I’m confused!