I didn’t receive email for lifting 10kg material test before Dec 2. At first CRA staff would like another reference send in, besides Mr. N already sent one. I was then asking Dr. D to be my reference. The whole process was stressful, as I somehow didn’t believe that people in authority would want to help me. As much as I wanted to believe them, knowing that they’re faithful servant of God, deep down in my heart I distrusted them. Maybe I didn’t believe in myself, or thinking I wasn’t worthy of being help?

Fast forward to another week, got an email on Dec 3 for another questionnaire. This time is more prominent, as it seems the email has particularly indicate the position is for Surrey location. The questionnaire expire on Dec 7, which means I might have to wait another week to be contacted for the heavy lifting test.

I believe God knows every single details in my life, also what’s going on in my body. I can’t believe I walked into Florie while she was having a free 15mins in her clinic. That rarely happened to her, but she decided to give me a scan as I mentioned my stomach wasn’t well every time I ate. It turned out I had been eating too much carbs and my stomach and whole body became very acidic, which is a growing ground for fungus. She gave me some new drops to treat fungus and wanted me to go in to see her asap.

I was on the cancelation list, but to my surprise I got in to see her a week after. Again, if it’s not God’s hand moving me into that direction, I don’t know when I will be able to see Florie. I’m slowing getting better with my stomach. I was very concerned with my heart, as it was pounding heavily. Florie pointed out it was anxiety, more likely related to my emotional stress. I was a bit relief knowing it’s not a heart problem.

God has been faithful, always is and always will. I casually told him that if I ever get the CRA job, I’ll start going back to church. I think he reminded me that I don’t need to bargain with him. Our relationship isn’t like that at all, his love for me doesn’t base on how often I go to church. I have a deeply assurance that my relationship with him has never changed, even when I feel distant to him sometimes. If anything, this relationship will only grow stronger and better. Thank you Lord~