I’m not sure if “postponing” is even a right form of word. I mean I have been setting the application aside. I must admit, I’m too afraid to fail. I’m afraid of rejection of entering the program. I’m afraid if I’m accepted, I won’t be able to finish all the assignments. I’m afraid even if I can finish all the assignment, my grades won’t be good enough for me to pursue my master degree in the future. I’m afraid I can’t find a job after I finish the program. I’m afraid…. too many things…. that actually stops me from writing the application.

How silly… or I dunno….

Writing it all down, I can see I’m always fear driven. Where’s my hope? Why am I not driven by hope or anything positive? Why don’t I see the bright side of this world? I always see the dark, maybe I’m drawn to the dark…. Can I ask God to help me to see there’s hope at the end of the tunnel? Can I ask him to show me the way and help me to stay on it? Can I ask him to give me strength to walk on the path that he desires for me? Can my spirit be stronger so that I can walk on for God? Can I ask him to shine his light upon me so that dark will flee away? Can I not be afraid to think what other people think of me, and just focus what God think? Can I have a stronger desire to read his word. Can I have the determination to be a self-discipline person? Can I have desire to be self-control in everything that I do? Can I…..