Monthly Archives: April 2016

朋友/Calling

Life stuffs, Spirituality

如果說人生只需要一個朋友的話，我現在就已經有了

可是，為何我還是不滿足？

很多次反覆思考這個問題，我還是沒有答案

心底深處其實明白，我最需要的是上帝

但是每次在FB上看到群組的照片沒有我

或是別人相約一起去台灣旅行

不禁心裡還是想為什麼不邀請我一起去

Maybe this is what hubby was saying “fomo”

Maybe I’ve never walked out that shadow of hurt from previous place.

The fact that I’m not interested in knowing people and building relationships with others, isolated myself even more. I felt like trap in a dark tunnel and never able to get out. I don’t see the end of it, I only feel lonely in this walk.

The breakfast with Eileen this morning got me to think what I really want. We talked about God’s calling in her life, she somehow feels that she’ll only be satisfied if she works in church. We’ve also talked about her friend’s problem, who has false idea of God and how Eileen tries to get her back on track.  Eileen was saying that she might consider go to bible college to further equip herself for ministry. I explained it is a a commitment to spend 2-3 years in bible college, or even going to Mdiv.

Listening to her friend’s problem, my brain started to turn into my theological debate mode. I must say I like it, still today I think I would choose studying theology over counselling. But, what do I studying that for? I don’t want to be a pastor, I don’t even want to talk to people. I know my heart desire to dig deeper in God’s word, but for what ? I’m confused!

 

Random Thoughts

Life stuffs

This is one of those nights where it is so hot in the bedroom that I woke up to cool off. This doesn’t happen very often but because of how our suite is laid out, there is only a small window in the bedroom. This is also when I feel that we really need to live above ground –  better sleep, better for our health, increased comfort are a few advantages I can think of right now.

If money was not a concern, I would prefer a smaller detached SFH over row/townhomes. something around 2000-2500 square feet would be ideal. A yard would be great on a 1/4 acre lot. Besides the 3-4 bedrooms, a small room for my trains would be nice as well.

–

I talked to Mr. N a bit today about some deficiencies I see that some departments have in managing their budget. I guess at the end of the day it is not about the actual finance but the attitude/priorities set by various departments.

The finance department have an oversight over all things financial. When I say oversight I do mean it – we do not micro manage for various departments (at least we try not to). The department heads, on the other hand, should keep better records when it comes to their budgets, especially when certain people have their own credit cards. Is it really that difficult for these tech-savvy people to get on online banking and checking their own transactions? When they sign off on purchases do they not keep a mental note of what they are spending?

We need policies and clear procedures – the sooner the better…

 

改變不是一天的事

Life stuffs, Sore spots

想走自己選擇的路

不一定得到別人的認同

改變不一定得到接納

因為改變讓人失去熟悉的模式

原來當一個人不再像以前滿有熱情

性情開朗，個性主動 這樣的改變會被人唾棄

你已經不是別人認識的哪個開朗的人了

你這個人失去了功效

我看清所謂的朋友

一旦失去價值 也必被厭棄

從前曾經付出的關懷

換來今天的一個人

請不要說因為我懶得解釋 所以沒有人知道

我跟你同樣有一張嘴

可惜的是有些人連問都不問我的狀況

因為覺得我會說的時候 就會說

所以我一直不說 你就不問

那麽就一直輪迴下去吧～

 

 

Friends who know God

Life stuffs, Sore spots

好幾個月前在FB上寫的一篇感想換來一些人的回應。其中 N先生pm 過來關心一下。提及朋友都越來越少，他的回應讓我印象深刻。他說，是不是你懶得解釋所以不跟朋友溝通，或認識新朋友？

同樣的對話，上個星期 Ben 卻又不一樣的說法。而他的說法讓我感覺到朋友之間的接納。他並沒有說我應該怎樣做，而是神要我做什麼？也許是休息，也許是安靜。相對之下，N先生的話我感到指責，因為是我懶惰而不去交朋友。他並沒有要了解我的心情，為什麼我失去動力。He’s kinda like, just suck it up and do what you need to do. Of course, I don’t need to explain to Ben since we went through similar situation in that organization. He understood already.

對我而言，我以為N先生說的話對我沒有影響，原來我很看重他的話 因為畢竟我們從中學時期認識。原來我想聽到的不是解決方法，而是聽到對方聆聽的聲音。我想聽到也許神的心意是這樣的….. 而不是用人的方法去解決問題。

總結，交朋友要找願意聆聽神聲音的人，有屬靈洞察力的朋友。

Home sweet home

Journey to our home, Life stuffs

The roller coaster ride is just starting to climb, we are yet to reach the climax. The excitement is getting intense as we anticipate to see our dream comes true. Still, worries and anxiety are overwhelming, as we are going to choose our first house. The dilemma to choose between a new townhouse or a used home is giving me anxiety.

As much as mom said that it doesn’t matter what we choose, they would’t stay here too long each time they come. I feel like this is still their money, their house, it’s dad’s hard earn money blesses us a chance to have our own place. It is my desire to put their needs in the first priority when considering buying a house.

Yet, we need to put into consideration with the money we have, location and price that we can afford.

oh Lord, please help!

Expressed

Life stuffs, Sore spots

We went to Langley small group on April 9. It was the first time ever within a group, I talked about my hurt experience in the previous church. My initial thought after I shared was that everything sound so bad, because I was too honest with my feelings. Some people did appreciate my honesty.

After talking to hubby, I have came to the conclusion that people never fail to disappoint us, even the elders in the church. Seeing those elders doing things in the grey areas, I think I can hardly trust authority again. When I see power and authority was abused for personal interest, I wonder what else people wouldn’t do?!