Monthly Archives: November 2015

it has said……

Life stuffs, Spirituality

My enemy told me that I can’t be successful, I’m not able, I’m not capable. The feelings of being a failure is creeping up on me. I feel helpless, hopeless because I don’t feel adequate. I don’t know if I will be able to handle all the stress from school again. I don’t know if I’m able to handle the stress from doing the internship and practicum.

Today at class, we were supposed to get prepare for recorded interview. Which Elly gave us a list of question to get ready before the interview. She picked one of the question and then asked me to answer. Describe a situation that happened in your work place, which you were able to use persuasion to successfully convince someone to see things your way. I basically froze…. I don’t know…. I can’t even think of any situation like that…. I’m speechless….

The Wonderful Dream

Dream|Journey, Union in Christ

I hope it is not just a dream, but it is a life goal in pursuing to be a counsellor.

I hope it is not just a dream, but it is a life goal for us to have our own place.

I cherish every moment we created together. When I say “we”, I know that I am not alone anymore. I have “you” in my life, a man who has demonstrated the unconditional love. Your love makes me brave. Your love makes me want to be better. Your love makes me realize our heavenly Father loves us much much deeper.

My dream came true, when I surrender my selfish desire to marry a so-called perfect guy in my imagination. My dream came true, when you listened to that still small voice and realize the possibility of “we” in the future. Thank you my love~ Without you I will still be cripple in my walk on this earth. I love you~ I am happy to be with you!

Fear

Dream|Journey, Life stuffs

The hidden giant is gradually catching up on me. It disturbs my thought and my plan for future. I tried to ignore it for a long time, just pretended it was not there. God is bigger, isn’t He? I thought He is the ultimate power of everything, I never doubt it. How do I make sense of my reality with God in this picture? How do I reconcile the dilemma of having this hidden giant and God in my life?

It is everywhere, outside and inside of me, just like God is already outside and inside of me. Fear got the best of me, when I am not focusing on my spirituality. It has me wonder all the unknowns and dangers of my future. I am afraid. I am afraid of losing someone that I love the most. I felt like they are my only anchor on this earth. What if….? What if……..? The hidden giant will always allure me into this scary unknown world.

I think it is time to change the scripts inside my mind. Applying what I have learned from CCLS, it is time to make a change. Change for better, change for good, change because of God the almighty inside of me.

“I will try my best to talk to professor at ACTS, understand the admission requirement, and do everything I can to get the prerequisite courses in order to get into the program.”

“I will be more initiative when I have questions, ask the right question with the right person, never procrastinate when I have uncertainty to pursue my dream in counselling.”

“Instead of feeling incapable of getting into Master program, I will study hard, and use the best of my time in studying and doing house chores.”

“I need to focus on what I really what and what God really want for me. If buying our own place is not happening anytime soon, I will leave it to God and have Him guide our way.”

“Instead of looking here and there for part-time job to earn money, I will focus and find a way to pursue my dream, even when I need to stay unchanged as in working with Chang’s for picking their child.”

“Instead of feeling scared of losing my husband, because of fear of the unknown, I will show him love and affection as much as always as he needs and as I want.”