“Your feelings are your own. No one can offend, or hurt you if you don’t allow them.”
This is an inward attitude toward other’s behaviour. I am not responsible for their behaviour but my own, in the same way they are not responsible for my behaviour. The message of autonomy allows me and frees me from other’s expectation, and power that controls over me. My thinkings and feelings are not the product of what “he/she says or does”. I have the power to distinguish what he/she wants and what I want. I have the power to choose the outcome of what he/she says or does toward me. I am my own government that rules within the domain of my whole being. Therefore, setting boundary to protect myself is important.
Having said that, I deal with the conflict and try not to let my thinkings and feelings ruled by what other people did to me. I still have my right to stand up for myself. See, setting boundary for my own is not contradicting in confronting the issue. I choose not to be hurt by what he/she said, it doesn’t mean that I agree with what he/she did. That is our outward behaviour. If I don’t want to hold grudges toward others, I have two choices: forget what he/she does, or confront the person with the issue in my mind.
Seeing Elly as a very proactive person, I can see that she will always stand her ground and confront when conflict occurs. I can also see that she is a person who draws clear boundaries in every area of her life. At the same time, she gives us permission to confront her if I feel hurt by what she said. I can trust that she is a woman of her words, if she says I can confront I will go talk to her when I’m offended by what she said. I imagine CCLS program is a training ground for all the ladies, I can make mistakes and know that Elly and Mary Ann will not judge me. The bottom line is that I trust their professionalism and I can learn from them.