It seems life doesn’t always go so smoothly, and definitely not going the way I wanted it. I’ve been wanting to work with Bear in an same organization, at least I can see him more often. I’ve been wanting the house in HK will be sold soon, such as right now, so that we can get a house here in this maple land. I’ve been wanting to step up of this life game, get a job and earn some bling bling.
I sense that I’ve been taking all this too slowly …. yet, my heart is racing for all these come true. Maybe it’s time to really slow down, pause, think, pray, seek, ask, meditate, worship Him, adore Him, talk to Him, listen to Him….
Here is the distance a huge gap between us, God and I. Many times this whispering voice told me to go back to the Words. Open up the Bible and see what He is saying today. I’m so neglect to do so, and I wonder why…. I became that mediocre person, that so called Christian who doesn’t even want to go to church on Sunday. I became that person, dreaming of one thing and sitting there to do nothing.
Stress does built up within me when my brother doesn’t meet my parents’ expectations. These expectation somehow turn to me, if my brother doesn’t become what they want, at least I can turn out to be that person. Why? Why? Why? My heart is screaming this is so unfair. Why do I have to be that person? Ironically, I wanted to be that person. A person who is driven by goals and purposes, who doesn’t afraid of failure, who doesn’t mind those mean coworkers as long as my job sustain my living…. There a person who will contribute to the society, cheerful and mindful of other people.
I must admit I lost my dream…. I’ve been saying that for a long time….. I’m lost of who I am and what I should do. If hubby isn’t here to support me, I don’t even know where I will be today. This is what I’m thankful for, in time of trouble, He gave me such a loving husband to support me no matter what. Such loving person who doesn’t judge me and love me as I am. Thank you! I love you~